What took years to build turned to rubble in the matter of hours
My story isn't typical. Most don't survive. It's actually quite remarkable. Not because I'm some dude who understands the complexities of life and has the answers to solve them. In fact, I'm the one who created complexities and strife for everyone around me. To count the amount of times my choices caused pain to those whom were important figures in my life, would be exhausting.
The real heroes in my story are those who I had given every reason to walk away yet stayed. Friends who believed me even though truth was far from me. Loved me with no guarantee I would make it back from the dark places where the absence of love was obvious. My beautiful loving and faithful wife who became accustomed to my manipulation, blame and unfaithfulness on a catastrophic level. The pit was deep, dark with little wiggle room. Even though I tired, there was no one to blame. The shovel handle had conformed to my hand perfectly.
I certainly couldn't blame my upbringing. Church was the norm. I attended Sunday school, church camps, played in Christian bands and did "Christian" things. There was however always another life that I wanted to live. It was rooted in the loss of innocence at a young age that birthed a desire and sexual appetite I didn't know how to satisfy.
My betrayal of all that was good in my life began to unravel in early 2004. I was married with three outrageously gifted kids, had a good reputation as a home builder, and volunteered at my church. Everything seemed in order until I got the phone call from my wife. Her words were few but they altered the course of my life forever. With each question she asked, the depth of my deception was revealed. What took years to build turned to rubble in the matter of hours. Everything I worked for was gone. Every relationship I had was shaken and felt the impact of choices. My pit had finally caved in from the weight of sin and deception. I felt a pressure and a tangible darkness like never before.